I met my friend today. She had actually dropped into give her marriage invitation.
We got talking about her fiancée. She described him as a man of few words and a silent demeanor. This girl is also a very coy, silent girl.
And my thoughts started clouding again with this topic..
With silent spouses,..How do people get their thoughts across? There is more to candid speaking in relationships as marriage than jus the regular “hi- bye”.
If silence is going be the mode of communication, will it help the relationship to grow leave alone thrive well!
While discussing this with another friend of mine, he suggested that the thought waves of the couple would sync with one another and form a new wave that both of them could relate to.
And hence the pieces of marriage fall into place beginning with the physical attraction aspect!
But again .. if even if the physical attraction should be so mechanical, auto-tuned as this, I feel, there is no point in being any different from the other fellow creatures of the world.
Communication or conversation that I m referring to here definitely isn’t limited to verbal world but also includes the non verbal communication!
More often in the name of not affecting other’s sentiments, emotions are hidden or worst of it are camouflaged. Pretending an emotion to be absent is far more acceptable than feigning some other emotion!
Maybe, on the other hand .. with time they realize the importance of communicative atleast to each other .. be it verbal or non verbal ..
But communication is indeed more Important than any other factor! Be it love, hatred, agony, sympathy , empathy ,anger or even lust ..everything needs to be expressed in order to be understood by the other person.
Unfortunately all of us are not mind readers and the gut feeling (intuition) is not always with us all the time!
Communication is the mighty tool that can loosen or tighten any relationship!
With marriage being a grand repository of feelings, emotions, thoughts and what not, it needs the medium of communication to announce its presence.
And above all .. u need a sound,rational mind to make a rational conversation..
Be it romantic or serious!
Be it contemplating a holiday destination or a divorce!!!
Be it finalizing the dinner menu or swearing at the spouse !!!!
Be it cajoling the unhappy spouse or be it proposing on the 25th anniversary!
Being communicative helps a great deal!!
Communication of my feelings.. yaeh .. I have done that!! But is it sound..? logical..?
It’s for the readers to decide!!!
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11 comments:
Outwardly, silent couples appear to be an enigma, but actually, these are the kind of people who feel relieved that they could at last talk freely to someone in life!
"More often in the name of not affecting other’s sentiments, emotions are hidden or worst of it are camouflaged" - quite true, but as marriage progresses such feigning or hiding of emotions tend to disappear.
btw, silence can be an effective means of communication too! U can express a plethora of emotions by silence. but, as u rightly put, not all of us are mind readers.
if words were so important in communication, what would a deaf and dumb person do? can he/she not communicate?
even if you do not use words, the body and the eyes speak a lot. But then, what would a blind man do?
are u suggesting that these people cannot communicate?
words are mere symbols of thoughts and feelings, and they are not thoughts and feelings themselves. if someone points to the moon with his finger, would u see the moon or the finger? fool is the man who looks at the finger, and fool is the man who gives importance to the words.
Communication occurs at much deeper levels. Even in silence communication can occur. When there is remebrance of the beloved, communication is instantaneous, in the absence of words and body language. How else do u explain a mother instinctively knowing when the child is hungry. When there is remebrance, things happen automatically.
Therefore, words are least important in building a relationship. In fact, the more u spend time together in silence, but remembering each other, faster will the relationship grow. This is what happens when two people fall in love. They remember each other more. But after marriage, they stop remembering each other, which is why they feel their love exists no more.
But to be able to communicate in silence, we need to be in silence too..
ram,
agreed,,,
silence is indeed a mode of communication..
but arent words the most commonly used mode!
well.. i ve also touched upon the topics of non verbal communication
cheers
pushkala
Got to agree with ram...But if the two people are used to being silent, then why would they mind being silent in each other's company..If they learn to communicate silently, there would be nothing better than that...saves energy and and also suits their personalities..
wat would happen if one of them is communicative and other has weird silence..
i smehow fail to understand the effectivenes sof silent communication may b bcz i m more for words rather than silence!
if i speak in english to a chinese, it doesn't mean i am not communicating. It only means I am using the improper language. Some use the language of words better, some use the language of actions, and some use the language of silence.
Now, imagine you indeed were trying to communicate with a chinese guy who doesn't know english. You would be keen to understand what he says. You would keep yourself open, and do everything possible to understand him. You will have that willingness to understand. If you have that willingness, you will understand him a lot more than if you don't have the willingness, even if you do not understand the language.
So, to understand, even if the language of communication is not the same, so long as you are willing to understand, you will understand. The question that arises in relationships is whether you are willing to understand or not. But understand that when the language is not common, you need to make extra effort to understand. Making that extra effort is definitely going to be worth it, coz you are going to end up understanding each other.
By the way, the 5th Habit in the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" advocated by Stephen Covey is "Seek first to understand, and then to be understood".
Think about this, and you will soon realise that when there is willingness, language doesn't matter.
very impressive comment....RAM
'chemistry' 'wavelength' don't need too many words.
I totally agree with Ram... very true. Its the vehicle that gets you to your destination and not the road.....
But deliberating on the post, I feel marriage is no doubt a union of families but its got a lot more to do with two individuals uniting... more in the mind. They form a very nuclear circle that encompasses them... When you are that close.. you really dont need words to communicate... you just know... its like falling in love... no one can pin point to you that you are in love.. you just know it... I am often enamoured by this mode of communication...
This Ram agrees with the other Ram. Communication, in the context you talk about, has really very little to do with the actual language. Think of beauty - you don't just "see" something as being beautiful, you actually have to feel it and experience it. Same thing with regard to communication, even if you are not a big talker, the very will to communicate manifests itself as the medium - how do you know when something is wrong with..say, your close friend? Does he/she actually tell you? More often than not, you can sense those thoughts...and that fact is so much more powerful than the words themselves.
well as other people have said...wot matters more is the completion of ur task not the methods used to do it...introverts i have come across generally open up a lot to people they are comfortable with...it doesnt necessarily mean they are loners...so a pair of introverts may actually be talkative in each others company...
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