Statuatory Warning: Here comes another post on relationships….!
Few fall in love in the FIRST SIGHT ( phew.. a biological Reaction(#1) fastened by CATALYST called LOOKS/APPEARANCE)
Few fall in love gradually ( A reaction (#2) that happens at OPTIMUM CONDITIONS)
Few start of as FRIENDSHIP and turn it to a RELATIONSHIP( A reaction (# 3) that got misled!!)
Or an arranged agreement to fall I love (a planned reaction (#4) with tons of catalysts, with proper conditions set!!)
Well, I don’t have a big opinion on the chemical Reaction #1.
Relationships be it friendship or marital ones has to be borne over a period of time. Faith and trust cannot be built over night is what I strongly believe.
Reaction #2, is relatively better. But there is one thing that might upset the reaction. Courtship is a tricky period wherein it’s the GOODNESS that comes out in full form.
The element of vice be it as trivial as quick temper or social drinking is subconsciously either not revealed by the person or subconsciously not registered by the other person.
Courtship again has to mature over sometime.. But unfortunately the trend is that people either get bored of each other soon or they PERSON of INTEREST changes with the clock ticks!
Reaction #3, Mixing Friendship and relationship….this is one tricky subject to analyze. Given the fact the FRIENDS would know each other inside out …I have somehow not patronized the idea of mixing relationships.
Every relationship should be clearly demarcated.
Friendship across sexes means the physical attraction factor has been nullified. This is presume is the reason why FRIENDSHIP is given special status.
Now, turning such a pure sentiment into a RELATIONSHIP means contaminating it with the CARNAL Factor.
The worst part of the this reaction is that… even if there is just friendship and clean friendship, people around tend to hallucinate a lot and hence conjure a reaction when there is actually nothing brewing.
It takes in lot of maturity to handle a crisis like this, wherein FRIENDSHIP is at stake for the people around!
More so, One who has a picture perfect vision on the kind of person he or she wants could be pretty sure hit in REACTION #3. But unfortunately most of us do not strike with a consistent opinion. As the rule says, Change is the only thing that never changes.
That leaves you with Reaction #4, you really need not have a “MY IDEAL PICTURE” vision. Rather a vague , gazy , CIRCA 1700 picture would serve the purpose !
The whole beauty of arranged marriage lies in the fact that you start with the belief that its going to work out. And this belief metamorphosis into TRUST and faith..
Been a long post….
I believe.. I m gona come back soon with another post…on relationships obviously!!!!
Cheers
Suha!
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9 comments:
Very nice thinking!!
But as far as iam concerned love is too complex and puzzling to take such calls!!
Anyways! All the best for your endeavours!! :-)
the more complex and puzzling it is.. more thoughtful one has to be!!
cheers
push!
Nice analysis. Notwithstanding the fact my mind is already saturated with a lot of chemistry:D
As far as I am concerned:
Rxn (1) Works if and only if there's an element of luck...the person you find attractive at first sight is attractive because of certain physical characteristics...if what is under that suits you, you are lucky. If not, you have messed up. Love at first sight is euphemism for lust. I don't believe in it. Won't advocate it because success rate is relatively low.
(2) and (3)...I am not really able to make a distiction. When you 'gradually build up love' there's an element of carnality in it (which is natural, coz after all, we are all(?) thinking animals in the first place.) It is nice to think that 'friendship' exempts this element of carnality, but I believe that platonic friendships are utopian, the very fact that there is a crossover from friendship to love indicates that platonic friendships are idealistic, and that if this crossing over does not take place, the people in question know each other so well as to realise that their spending their lives together would NOT work out. And the narrower your selectivity of 'yes' is, the more people you would have to say 'no' to, the reason for the existance of a large number of so called 'platonic' friendships.
Who is a friend? I define a friend as someone in whose company you can be as comfortable as you are when you are with yourself. In this respect, I consider that a person who lasts with you for a lifetime should be, most importantly, a friend.
(3) seems a sensible course of action. The trouble with (3), of course, is the fact that one person might be thinking 'yes' for the cross-over, and another 'no'.
I have tremendous respect for reaction (4). Almost all couples I know, from my grandparents to my parents to my aunts and uncles and cousins have taken this route. The success rate is relatively high, very few have gone on the rocks. As you say, it is built on trust and commitment. But there's more to it than meets the eye.
Arranged marriage calls for compulsory subscription to certain norms. For the marriage to work as it should, there are some things which need to be done. The reaction conditions are highly precise, and should be regulated. Most of the 'regulation' is done on the women. The thing about having a marriage arranged for you is, what's going to happen when my wants out of the marriage are not satisfied? The trust becomes negated, and there's not much you can do about it. You put a higher premium on the marriage than you do on your individuality as such. That's the reason these marriages show a high success rate, the bond is preserved come what may.
Ultimately, it boils down to the individual, and what he wants out of a marriage. If your needs are well defined, it would be foolhardy to marry someone who does not satisfy them (assuming you satisfy theirs). Even then, exact one to one matching would probably be impossible...compromises have to be made somewhere. It depends on how much compromise you are willing to make.
The best part about being nineteen is the fact that I can observe, think and comment all like, without any of it being applied to myself, atleast in the near future (muhahahha:D...)
Good post. Made me think a lot.
i loved these lines the most Suchi...
""The best part about being nineteen is the fact that I can observe, think and comment all like, without any of it being applied to myself, atleast in the near future (muhahahha:D...) ""
cheers
Push!
suchi's comment is better than you post :P
NAREN!!!
OZHIGAA!
Push...hehheh...
Naren...danks!
Well, I am no master in love, but I know enough to disagree with you! In fact, the reason that I disagree is primarily, love itself is overhyped and secondarily, what is the obsession of the world with one-love?
The form that I have given, the reaction 1 to reaction 4 are well, just that reactions.
Reaction 1, the love at first sight is not love. It is lust.
Reaction 2, the one where in the people fall in love gradually with the optimum conditions is not love, it is curiosity. It is where people know a little and are curious to know more.
Reaction 3, friendship to love, though cited to be the perfect way to fall in love, is not love. It is just comfort; it is the feeling “I do not want to try to keep this person away from me because it is nice when he/she is with me.”
Reaction 4, the arranged marriage is, simply put, a forgone situation, one wherein the person has really no choice. It is either this one or the next. It is the choice between those select few.
Why do you use the word carnality - the morbid sexual feeling? The reason I ask is that, at least in India, sex is not a part of the relationship business. From what I have seen, very few relationships lead to that. Moreover, even when they do, I do not see anything wrong. If they are comfortable with each other and they know what they want, what is the mistake? I think that it is one of the more natural expressions of love, if there is integrity in it.
What is with the FRIENDSHIP worship? Accepted that they are important people in our lives, but they are also people. A girl who is a friend in the end is still a girl. I really do not see why turning a relationship from friendship is such an issue.
P.s. the ideas are mine and I shall stand by them. Throw what you can! (To mean this is the start of a small disagreement because I feel the amount of passion that you have in this post.)
P.S. to a P.S.
I liked the way that the post was constructed and the over all flow. Even though I did not agree with much of what you said, I guess that there are times when I love playing the devils advocate.
nice post but stating the obvious.
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